VOGUE SAYS IT ALL

I seem to remember this quote is from the Vogue 100 years issue. How true.

SHYLOCK IS MY NAME  - HOWARD JACOBSON

 

 

JACOBSON REIMAGINES THE MERCHANT OF VENICE. I HAVE A LOT OF TIME FOR JACOBSON, WHOSE IMAGINATION ENABLES STORIES THAT CAPTIVATE AND DELIGHT. IN THIS STORY I LEARNED THINGS ABOUT JEWS, SHAKESPEARE AND THE MERCHANT. I STILL BELIEVE SHAKESPEARE WAS A PLOT DEVISED IN THE 17TH CENTURY BY A TROUPE OF ITINERANT JESTERS TO PERSUADE KNOBS THAT THEY WERE IMPORTANT AND/OR INTELLIGENT SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY HAD READ HIM. OR SEEN HIS PLAYS OR INDEED A MOVIE OR TWO. WHERE WOULD KENNETH BRANAGH BE WITHOUT SHAKEPEARE? STILL TEACHING AT HOGWARTS PROBABLY. I'M NOT SURE IF CLASSIC COMICS EVER DID SHAKESPEARE. THEY PROBABLY COULDN'T LOWER THEMSELVES.

THE BOOK? BUY IT, READ IT, YOU'LL LOVE IT. 

FLESH AND BLOOD - PATRICIA CORNWELL

HERE'S THE COVER

AND HERE'S THE FIRST PAGE

 

AND THAT'S WHY CORNWELL CAN GIVE ME THE SCREAMING HABDABS. SEVERAL PAGES OF WHITE, RICH PRIVILEGE THAT ADD NOTHING TO THE STORY BUT DEMONSTRATE HOW FABULOUS CORNWELL HERSELF IS.

SHE'S PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF WRITING AN ENGROSSING STORY WITHOUT THESE RANDOM, SELF-AGGRANDIZING AND POINTLESS INSERTIONS, ALTHOUGH I ALSO DON'T NEED TO HEAR THE SOUND OF A STRKER SAW STARTING UP AS SOME POOR INDIVIDUAL LOSES THE TOP OF HIS/HER SKULL.

THIS STORY SETS UP THE NEXT NOVEL WHICH MAY WELL BE CALLED FLESH AND BLOOD AND WINE VINEGAR SOURCED FROM A NAPA VALLEY BOUTIQUE WINE VINEGAR PRODUCER NAMED ERNESTO. A LONG TITLE THAT MIGHT NOT FIT ON THE COVER.

PATRICIA, IF YOU'RE LISTENING AND I ACCEPT YOU PROBABLY AREN'T, CUT OUT THE EXCESS DROSS. GET RID OF THE ADJECTIVES AND DESCRIPTIONS OF LUCY'S LOVE LIFE, WHICH ADD PRACTICALLY NOTHING TO THE STORY, AND TRY SOMETHING RADICAL, LIKE MOBILE TELEPHONES BEING UNAVAILABLE FOR LONG PERIODS BECAUSE THE PERP BLEW UP ALL THE TOWERS. (THIS IS A PERSONAL DREAM I'VE HAD FOR A WHILE.) AS FOR PETE MARINO, HE NEEDS TO RETIRE AND BE REPLACED BY SOMEONE WITH LESS OF AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM BUT THE SAME SET OF SKILLS. HE'S BECOME BORING.   

MISS PEREGRINE'S HOME FOR PECULIAR CHILDREN

 

I had Picasso draw this picture of me after watching the film version of Miss Peregrine. Eva Green was as attractive as ever but the storyline was a travesty. It was okay for about half an hour and then Tim Burton got creative.

Ther are valid reasons for changing a narrative, but taking a lot of the first book and sod all of books two and three and actually changing peculiarities between children is not acceptable, nor is this Tim Burton-ised piece of drink- or drug-induced crap. I'm sure Ransom Riggs would have been appalled although I see he's got a new writing contract. This was two hours of my life lost when I could have been at home playing video games.     

THE GIRL ON THE TRAIN - PAULA HAWKINS

 

 

THE BLURBS ONTHE FRONT OF THIS NOVEL CONVINCED ME IT WOULD BE A FABULOUS READ - STORY SOLD TO HOLLYWOOD, ALL OF THAT STUFF, STEPHEN KING RIVETTED, KEPT AWAKE. THAT WAS PROBABLY BECAUSE THE BOOK KEPT FALLING ON HIS FACE WHILE HE WAS READING AT NIGHT.

THIS IS AN ORDINARY CRIME NOVEL. LIKE ANY OTHER CRIME NOVEL WE'RE NEVER QUITE SURE WHO DID WHAT AND THE ENDING WAS A SURPRISE BUT NO DIFFERENT FROM THE END OF MOST CRIME STORIES. IT IS UNDISTINGUISHED.

THE NAME ITSELF IS  MISLEADING. YES, SHE USES THE TRAIN AND OBSERVES HOUSES AS HE PASSES THEM BUT I'D HAVE TO GIVE A 4 FOR THE NAME. COULD DO BETTER.  GOOD TASTE STOPS ME TELLING YOU WHODUNNIT BUT AS FAR AS PLOTS GO, THIS MOVIE, WHEN THEY MAKE IT, COULD GO STRAIGHT TO DVD.

MISS PEREGRINE'S HOME FOR PECULIAR CHILDREN

 

The first and last stories in the trilogy. The middle book is called Hollow City which I don't own but which is available at the library.

 

Here's the good news.

 

 

They've made a film with the gorgeous Eva Green. I'll be in to see this as soon as I get a chance. The stories are labelled Young Teen, Young Adult but there is sufficient appeal for older people like myself. Well-crafted, this is really a quest story made original by the aforementioned Peculiar Children and their peculiarities. I have to believe that Ransom Riggs has a mind bent in the direction of the gothic. Highly recommended. 

 

CARTER AND LOVECRAFT - JONATHAN L. HOWARD

 

Note the writhing tentacles. An interesting variation on the H P Lovecraft tales with one of the two main characters being a relative of HP. Well- written and enjoyable as a horror story. The Cthulhu connection isn't overplayed. Strange visions and threatening behavior abounds. Worth a read.

 

THE LIBRARY OF UNREQUITED LOVE - SOPHIE DIVRY

Delightful stuff. A librarian comes across a customer who was locked inside the library overnight and spends the time between her arrival and the opening of the institution telling him about her life. You'll find out exactly how the Dewey Decimal System works among other things such as funding, disputable decisions made by the library hierarchy and the indifference of the Mayor. (This is set in Paris.) Then there's Martin, the object of her unrequited love. She is never named but seems to be about fifty and worried about the future.
Quite a short story but beautifully and gently written. Highly recommended.

MARK BILLINGHAM - GOOD AS DEAD


If you like your crime gritty then Billingham is your man. London is the setting for his stories and he's a great plotter. I didn't pick the bad guy in this story and I'll bet you can't either.

 

Tom Thorne is one of those damaged cops we read so much about but he gets his man, or woman, as he should.  I've read three of his novels and enjoyed them all. But gritty, real gritty. The upper classes don't stand a chance. 

 

 

 

 STEPHEN KING - FINDERS KEEPERS

Sometimes I find Stephen King  a little off-centre. Familiar themes and all and sometimes a plot premise that seems laboured. The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon is a good example.
Finders Keepers seems like  return to the god old days. An interesting plot which you feel you can anticipate but you'd be wrong. A good lead character and a suitably bad crook make for a book you'll keep reading late at night.

While on the subject of Stephen King, I note that 11.22.63 the TV series starts here shortly. The detail in this book is quite incredible and the research must have been long and exacting to get such a detailed background on Lee Harvey Oswald. I suppose much of his life is in the public domain but here I'm pretty sure there's stuff you haven't heard before. You could just about take the novel into a History class and use it as a textbook.

THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.

 

This picture resonated with me because I see the mobile telephone as the worst thing ever invented. Dead-brained slaves to a system that tells them they have no messages and no friends. Sorry. no friends that aren't related to the weather, sports or commercial products like acne cream and the latest handbag. The main problem is that it gives instant gratification and completely removes the need to practice patience.

Like. The most overused expression ever. I note the web page for the pub quiz I attend each week has a string of people saying like, like, like, against the picture that provides a clue or two to questions we will be asked this week. You 'like' a picture of God knows what? What kind of lack of intelligent thought makes it a 'like' situation? For fuck's sake just look at the picture and either understand it or don't but don't 'like' it. This of course is a petty example but a valid one because millions of people will today 'like' a picture of a kitten or a stream of abuse aimed at someone who somehow made the grade and the Facebook idiots agree that they deserved the abuse because they just didn't succeed themselves. Reality is a nasty thing for many and hiding behind other people who are infinitely cleverer than they are and 'liking' is a pastime that doesn't involve reality.

Mobile phones have serious uses in activities like rescue patrols and policing, but they should never have allowed them into private hands. No, I don't have a fucking mobile.     

LIZA PALMER

 

 

I wasn't familiar with Liza Palmer and I picked up the Field Guide because I'd run out of things to read. I'll be picking up more of her books because I simply enjoyed them.

It may be a sign of age that these two affected me as much as they did. Palmer describes emotion brilliantly and as a consequence I got drawn into the stories, which are about thirty-something girls facing choices to do with love and relationships, and, in one case, death of a parent.. The two girls she writes about here are insecure as the result of unsatisfactory or previously terminated relationships where commitment (hers or theirs) was an issue.

I note a reviewer who described her work, if I remember rightly, as haute romance, and that's not a bad description. Definitely romantic but definitely moving. The other thing I like is the way she brings in the unexpected, especially in More Like Her. Nice twists and very well written. Recommended, especially if you like a good cry.