VOGUE SAYS IT ALL

I seem to remember this quote is from the Vogue 100 years issue. How true.

SHYLOCK IS MY NAME  - HOWARD JACOBSON

 

 

JACOBSON REIMAGINES THE MERCHANT OF VENICE. I HAVE A LOT OF TIME FOR JACOBSON, WHOSE IMAGINATION ENABLES STORIES THAT CAPTIVATE AND DELIGHT. IN THIS STORY I LEARNED THINGS ABOUT JEWS, SHAKESPEARE AND THE MERCHANT. I STILL BELIEVE SHAKESPEARE WAS A PLOT DEVISED IN THE 17TH CENTURY BY A TROUPE OF ITINERANT JESTERS TO PERSUADE KNOBS THAT THEY WERE IMPORTANT AND/OR INTELLIGENT SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY HAD READ HIM. OR SEEN HIS PLAYS OR INDEED A MOVIE OR TWO. WHERE WOULD KENNETH BRANAGH BE WITHOUT SHAKEPEARE? STILL TEACHING AT HOGWARTS PROBABLY. I'M NOT SURE IF CLASSIC COMICS EVER DID SHAKESPEARE. THEY PROBABLY COULDN'T LOWER THEMSELVES.

THE BOOK? BUY IT, READ IT, YOU'LL LOVE IT. 

FLESH AND BLOOD - PATRICIA CORNWELL

HERE'S THE COVER

AND HERE'S THE FIRST PAGE

 

AND THAT'S WHY CORNWELL CAN GIVE ME THE SCREAMING HABDABS. SEVERAL PAGES OF WHITE, RICH PRIVILEGE THAT ADD NOTHING TO THE STORY BUT DEMONSTRATE HOW FABULOUS CORNWELL HERSELF IS.

SHE'S PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF WRITING AN ENGROSSING STORY WITHOUT THESE RANDOM, SELF-AGGRANDIZING AND POINTLESS INSERTIONS, ALTHOUGH I ALSO DON'T NEED TO HEAR THE SOUND OF A STRKER SAW STARTING UP AS SOME POOR INDIVIDUAL LOSES THE TOP OF HIS/HER SKULL.

THIS STORY SETS UP THE NEXT NOVEL WHICH MAY WELL BE CALLED FLESH AND BLOOD AND WINE VINEGAR SOURCED FROM A NAPA VALLEY BOUTIQUE WINE VINEGAR PRODUCER NAMED ERNESTO. A LONG TITLE THAT MIGHT NOT FIT ON THE COVER.

PATRICIA, IF YOU'RE LISTENING AND I ACCEPT YOU PROBABLY AREN'T, CUT OUT THE EXCESS DROSS. GET RID OF THE ADJECTIVES AND DESCRIPTIONS OF LUCY'S LOVE LIFE, WHICH ADD PRACTICALLY NOTHING TO THE STORY, AND TRY SOMETHING RADICAL, LIKE MOBILE TELEPHONES BEING UNAVAILABLE FOR LONG PERIODS BECAUSE THE PERP BLEW UP ALL THE TOWERS. (THIS IS A PERSONAL DREAM I'VE HAD FOR A WHILE.) AS FOR PETE MARINO, HE NEEDS TO RETIRE AND BE REPLACED BY SOMEONE WITH LESS OF AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM BUT THE SAME SET OF SKILLS. HE'S BECOME BORING.   

MISS PEREGRINE'S HOME FOR PECULIAR CHILDREN

 

I had Picasso draw this picture of me after watching the film version of Miss Peregrine. Eva Green was as attractive as ever but the storyline was a travesty. It was okay for about half an hour and then Tim Burton got creative.

Ther are valid reasons for changing a narrative, but taking a lot of the first book and sod all of books two and three and actually changing peculiarities between children is not acceptable, nor is this Tim Burton-ised piece of drink- or drug-induced crap. I'm sure Ransom Riggs would have been appalled although I see he's got a new writing contract. This was two hours of my life lost when I could have been at home playing video games.     

THE GIRL ON THE TRAIN - PAULA HAWKINS

 

 

THE BLURBS ONTHE FRONT OF THIS NOVEL CONVINCED ME IT WOULD BE A FABULOUS READ - STORY SOLD TO HOLLYWOOD, ALL OF THAT STUFF, STEPHEN KING RIVETTED, KEPT AWAKE. THAT WAS PROBABLY BECAUSE THE BOOK KEPT FALLING ON HIS FACE WHILE HE WAS READING AT NIGHT.

THIS IS AN ORDINARY CRIME NOVEL. LIKE ANY OTHER CRIME NOVEL WE'RE NEVER QUITE SURE WHO DID WHAT AND THE ENDING WAS A SURPRISE BUT NO DIFFERENT FROM THE END OF MOST CRIME STORIES. IT IS UNDISTINGUISHED.

THE NAME ITSELF IS  MISLEADING. YES, SHE USES THE TRAIN AND OBSERVES HOUSES AS HE PASSES THEM BUT I'D HAVE TO GIVE A 4 FOR THE NAME. COULD DO BETTER.  GOOD TASTE STOPS ME TELLING YOU WHODUNNIT BUT AS FAR AS PLOTS GO, THIS MOVIE, WHEN THEY MAKE IT, COULD GO STRAIGHT TO DVD.

MISS PEREGRINE'S HOME FOR PECULIAR CHILDREN

 

The first and last stories in the trilogy. The middle book is called Hollow City which I don't own but which is available at the library.

 

Here's the good news.

 

 

They've made a film with the gorgeous Eva Green. I'll be in to see this as soon as I get a chance. The stories are labelled Young Teen, Young Adult but there is sufficient appeal for older people like myself. Well-crafted, this is really a quest story made original by the aforementioned Peculiar Children and their peculiarities. I have to believe that Ransom Riggs has a mind bent in the direction of the gothic. Highly recommended. 

 

CARTER AND LOVECRAFT - JONATHAN L. HOWARD

 

Note the writhing tentacles. An interesting variation on the H P Lovecraft tales with one of the two main characters being a relative of HP. Well- written and enjoyable as a horror story. The Cthulhu connection isn't overplayed. Strange visions and threatening behavior abounds. Worth a read.